Welcome again to the Keys and Anklets Podcast. The podcast that’s all about the cuckold and hotwife lifestyle, where we talk about real things concerning this lifestyle, where we separate fact from fiction. Again, I’m your host, Mike, Michael, whichever you prefer. A little about me, I’ve been a bull in the lifestyle for more than 15 years, and I’m just here to try to enlighten some people. Maybe some people can benefit from the experience that I have and we’ll take it from there.
I was all set to talk about a particular topic, and I was on one of the forums on one of the sites that I belong to and I saw something. I wanted to kind of go in a different direction, so I want to talk about what I read because it’s definitely one of the topics that I feel is very important regarding this lifestyle. Again, just to say even though I’m a black man, I don’t want this to be a totally interracially-focused podcast. Will I sometimes deal with things that are specific to the interracial aspect of the lifestyle? Yes, of course because that’s the background that I come from, but a lot of the things that I say will fit regardless of what the racial aspect is of the way that you play. If I am doing something or doing a show that is interracially specific, I’ll address it so that if a listener is not into that, they don’t have to waste their time listening to the episode. If they choose to, great, but I at least want to let people know that this particular episode is dealing with the interracial side of this versus an episode that is not.
So what I want to talk to you about today is, like I said something that I saw in a posting and I really wanted to address it, so I’m not even going to talk about what I was originally planning on talking about. I’ll save that for a later episode.
Whether you’re a cuckold couple or a hotwife couple, one of the most important aspects is how do you go about finding a partner, a bull, for your wife, for yourself, for whoever. And one of the things that I stress to people when I talk to people, when I advise people, and I follow this myself, is it’s very, very, very important to find a guy who actually understands not only what this lifestyle is about, but who understands his place in it. The reason why that is so important is because if you don’t, it can really, really complicate things down the line, and it can make things really messy. I’ve seen this story play out repeatedly. I understand what happens. The husband is into it. He just wants to find a guy that is willing to fuck his wife and that she finds attractive, she’s agreed to go through with it. So he’s all focused on that, let me find a guy. He pretty much has a habit of jumping on the first available who meets certain criteria. She’s attracted to him, he’s attracted to her, he kind of talks a good game, and you have to dig deeper than that. The reason why…what happens a lot…there’s a big difference between a guy who really understands the lifestyle versus a guy who just wants to fuck your wife. One of the main reasons is a guy who understands the lifestyle, a real bull, he understands his part. He understands his role. He understands that he is never going to be bigger than what your dynamic is. Your marriage or relationship, what have you. Not only does he understand that, but he has no desire to be that.
In all my years in this lifestyle, I have never tried to overstep my boundaries. I have never tried to get a wife to run away with me and leave her husband and break up her family. No self-respecting bull would ever do that. Nobody would even have the desire to. No matter how fantastic a woman may be, you understand that is that man’s woman. She’s not my woman.
One of the things that I came across, and I’m not going to mention any names because I want to protect the people, but I feel like it is an important thing to speak on, is there was a husband who found the guy for his wife to play with. The wife plays with the guy. The guy starts making demands, such as I want to play with you alone without your husband being there, your husband is not valuing you, he’s disrespecting you by letting you sleep with other men. That’s a classic case of a guy who has no idea what this lifestyle is about. If you’re in this and you look at the husbands as having something wrong with them, such as if you were my woman I wouldn’t treat you like that, I wouldn’t share you, I wouldn’t do anything like that, then basically you’re just in this lifestyle to get some pussy. My advise when a couple is out there, if you truly value your relationship you want to avoid those guys.
It is one thing to meet those types of guys at a party because a party is a very self-contained atmosphere that you can control. You don’t have to exchange numbers, she sees him, she likes him, he likes her, you go into your room, or you go up to his room, they plan, and then you go home. Like I said, there is no exchanging of phone numbers, you don’t know him after that. It’s cool to do it in that sense because you have a lot more control over that situation.
But when you start getting into situations where this guy is texting your wife or chatting with your wife, or even talking to her or he’s been to your home, knows where you live, you need to do your homework. You need to find out how this guy thinks because if he doesn’t respect what you have and what you’re trying to do, then you’re setting yourself up for a fall because when you have these dynamics it’s very easy for feelings to develop. The way that I’ve always looked at it from a bull’s perspective is, I’m not going to say it’s like dealing with a child, but it’s similar. Let me explain that before anybody gets offended.
When I play with a couple, especially if they are a newer couple, I know that this is all new to her, like this is all new, so it’s going to be a lot easier for her to get swept up and caught up in all of these new emotions, the intensity of the sex, the fact that she is doing something that she has never done before. So it falls on me to kind of keep things straight, to keep her feelings from getting to that point. One of the things I never do and I don’t think any self-respecting bull would ever do is, you never put her husband down. You never say things like, oh well he doesn’t really love you if he’s doing this, or if I was with you I would do this and I wouldn’t do that to you. It’s one thing if it’s humiliation in a cuckold context because that has its place. It’s another thing when you’re trying to drive a wedge between a couple and getting her to look at her husband differently. I see far too many couples that don’t put forth the right amount of time and energy into finding the right guy. It’s almost like they put more effort into shopping for a car than they do in trying to find a guy who’s going to take their wife to this point.
Like I said, it’s different in a party context because there are a bunch of people around, guys are playing with multiple people, women are playing with multiple people, and that’s cool. That’s in the moment. But when you’re talking about finding a guy, especially for that first experience, it’s worth it to put forth the effort to make sure that you’re finding someone who understands what they are doing, who understands what this lifestyle is about, who understands that this is about the couple, not about the bull. I can’t overstate just how important that is. It’s probably the most, or one of the most, important things about this lifestyle. Like I said, if you choose wrongly, if you pick the wrong person, it can set you up.
There is a couple that I know whom I have been talking to for a while, again I’m not going to mention any one’s name, and they found themselves in a situation like that, where she got involved with a guy who is a bull who really didn’t understand the lifestyle, and he wound up falling in love with her and she fell in love with him. There was a period where the future of her marriage was in jeopardy. It got to the point where she had already moved in with the guy, and her husband was already looking at going his own way and things got really messy. Fortunately they were able to both open their eyes, and she was able to see that, okay this is not the road that I want to go down, and they were able to mend those fences. So theirs is not a tragic story, but it is a cautionary tale. It is one that I try to advise people on and I try to make people aware of. That is real. That’s a very, very real thing.
So couples often say, well how do we go about finding the right bull? Honestly, for me the best thing that I could tell them is, I’m not saying don’t put effort into finding a guy, but put just as much if not more effort into finding another couple who has been doing this. Even if they don’t live in your area. It’s worth it because you want to make sure that the first experience is handled as close to perfect as it possibly can. Of course there’s no perfection, but you want it to be as close to perfect as it possibly can be. Even if you have to find another couple that lives in a neighboring city, or even a neighboring state, and then get a recommendation from them, a guy that they’ve dealt with or have been dealing with, that they can say, hey we’ve dealt with this guy, this is a good guy, he understands his part, he has the right mentality, he has the right mindset, he has the right disposition, he has the right temperament. There’s nothing wrong with getting a referral. Then what happens is, once she spends time with that first guy and she has a positive experience, now you have a blueprint to follow. Now you kind of have some box to check to say, okay we like the way that guy did this, we like the way that the guy said that. So that when you’re going through new prospects for your wife, at least you know have a template to follow. so I always say to couples, for the first time, I’m not telling you not to look for a guy, but put just as much effort into finding another couple who has been where you are right now. And you might have to go through several couples before you find one. Not all couples are willing to share. Some women get very possessive over their bulls and they don’t want to share, and if that’s the case respect that and move on to the next couple. But I would definitely say you want to find someone who can point you in the right direction. Maybe it’s a bull that things were not able to work out with them as maybe the distance was too great, he lived too far and wasn’t able to see us, but he actually lives closer to you so maybe you can talk to him. Turn over every stone that you can because for the husbands, this is your wife you’re talking about. You can’t afford to make a mistake with this. So you need to do your diligence and don’t just jump on the first guy that she’s attracted to. Because like I said, if you choose incorrectly it can blow up in your face.
One of the things that I always try to tell couples is it’s a little test, but it kind of gives you an idea of how a guy is thinking. That is, when you first start talking to a guy, put the idea out there that you want him to play with her by himself, like you don’t even want to be there. The reason why I tell them to do this is, you want to see how he responds to that because an experienced bull is at least going to question that. He’s at least going to ask you, okay why do you want that, have you done that before, are you sure you can handle that? He’s at least going to ask the appropriate questions to find out if you were sure that you want that. He may even insist, you know what nope, the first time your husband needs to be there. He may even insist on doing that. I know that I’m that way personally. It might evolve into something where I see her alone, but initially he needs to be there. If you present that to a guy who claims to be a bull and he agrees to it right away, lose his phone number because that’s his way of telling you that a) he’s not very experienced, and b) he doesn’t really see you as a couple. Even as a husband if you were not involved in the scene, even if all you are doing is just sitting back and watching, you’re still a couple, you’re still enjoying this and doing this together. You want to avoid any one that is trying to separate you. Like I said, it’s different if it evolves into that and there’s trust, and the husband knows that he can trust you, but any one who either insists upon that or takes that bait and agrees to seeing your wife by himself the first time you meet, that’s somebody that you want to avoid. In other words, if you’re that type of guy where you’re not comfortable with the husband being there, then just don’t mess with couples. There are too many single women out there, where if you’re not comfortable with the husband being involved, don’t be a jerk. Don’t tell them what they want to hear just because you want to fuck his wife.
I’ve always said pussy is overrated. What I mean by that is, the things that I’ve seen people go through, the hoops that I’ve seen people jump through, the way that I’ve seen people emotionally torn down, all for the sake of pussy, it’s not worth it. It’s not worth all that heartache, especially when you’re talking about the casual nature of the hotwife and the cuckold lifestyle. So you want to find a guy that actually wants the husband there.
My thing is there is absolutely nothing that I can say to a woman or do to a woman that I would not say or do right in front of her husband’s face, and I truly mean that. I want him there, I want him to see the things that you will do for me, or I want them to see how much you enjoy this. I want him to see just because I know that’s what he enjoys. The husband’s got to get something out of it too. So if he likes to watch, give him a good show, because ultimately it’s about them. Like I said in the first episode, we’re just bit players in this movie. It doesn’t mean that we can’t have a dramatic impact on the story, but you’re not bigger than the star. And the wife is the star of this movie and the husband is the costar. We’re not even a secondary character, but I’m okay with that. I don’t want to be the star.
You will definitely reap the benefits if you put forth that time and effort to find a bull who understands his role, finding a bull who wants to talk to the husband and to find out how best to please his wife. Because if you don’t and you wind up dealing with that guy that doesn’t get it, like I said it’s very easy for a wife to get caught up, especially not so much in a hotwife dynamic. Like I said in the first episode, that power is shared, but it’s definitely more susceptible in a cuckold-type of dynamic because now she’s dealing with a guy who is bringing something to the table, whether it’s physically, whether it’s emotionally, whether it’s from an energy standpoint, that’s bringing something to the table that her husband is not. So if you’re not careful, it would be very easy for that guy to kind of prey on that, and it would be very easy for the wife to get caught up, especially if she’s coming from a position where the sex life with her husband is lackluster. And I’m not saying that this is the case for everybody, but there are cuckold couples out there whose sex lives have dwindled to the point where it’s kind of monotonous, and that’s one of the reasons why some of the husbands want their wives to go this route, because they don’t want to see her doing without. They know what their own limitations are, whether it’s from a stamina standpoint, a size standpoint, regardless of what their motivation is, they don’t want their wives to go without. So if you introduce a man into the picture who is able to provide the things that you cannot, then you really need him to be someone, as I like to refer to as, you want him to be an ethical bull. There are plenty of things that I could have done, but just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you should do something.
As a bull, there is a certain amount of power that we gain in these dynamics, especially like I said when you’re dealing with a cuckold couple. Like I said, this problem doesn’t really rear itself as much in a hotwife dynamic mainly because the husband never views the bull as being above him in any way, whereas in a cuckold dynamic even on some level you’re more apt to encounter that mentality in a husband, where he sees the bull as being able to give something to his wife that he can’t. So in certain aspects, he may see himself as being below that bull. So when you have that dynamic, it makes it easier for a bull to kind of impose his will on the situation, whereas like I said in the hotwife dynamic the moment a bull oversteps his bounds the husband is more apt to check him or pull the plug on the whole thing. So he’s not going to be able to get away with as much as he can in a cuckold dynamic.
For example, for me I’ve dealt extensively with both types of couples. Like I said, even though some people may see them as the same, I see them as completely different, even though on the surface they may look the same. The best way for me to put it is, you take two identical cars, think of a Mustang GT for example. On the outside, they look exactly the same except one is a manual and one is an automatic. In other words, they each take a completely different skill set to be able to drive. If you’ve never driven a manual before and you try to jump in one and drive it, you’re going to have some problems.
Even though hot wifing and cuckolding might look the same to some people, they’re completely different. For me, when you deal with the hotwife couple, I’m not going to say you don’t have to think as much, but it’s almost like you have a copilot. You and the husband are working in unison, and in fact he’s actually the one that’s driving and you’re kind of the co-driver. Whereas in a cuckold dynamic, for the most part as a bull you’re the one that’s running the show, so you have to exercise more restraint because more responsibility is being placed in your hands, so you have to be careful about how you use that because again, not in every dynamic but in a lot of cuckold dynamics, they’re both going to defer to you. It may be a case where she is submissive to you and he is submissive to her; therefore, being that you’re dominant with her by default you’re also dominant with him, or it may be a dynamic where they are both just submissive to you. So you have to exercise a lot more control and restraint because there are things that you can do. There are things that you have access to. There are opportunities for you to impose your will, so to speak, so if you’re opening the door in your relationship to that type of dynamic, then you need to make sure that you’re getting involved with a guy who gets it, who understands it. And being able to say, look this is what we are looking for, this is what we will compromise on, this is what we won’t compromise on. Even if you have to sit down and write it out. I know it may sound a little silly, but write down what your limits are, this is what we won’t do, these are the things that we have absolutely zero flexibility on. Whether it’s you will not come to our house, or we will never do anything on a weekend that we have the kids, or whatever. Every couple is going to be different, but write down the things that you have zero flexibility on, and then write down the things that okay we have some flexibility. For example, there is a couple that I know and they’re looking for a bull. One of their rules was involving pictures, where only the husband takes the pictures. The bull that they were talking to had an issue with that, where he wanted to take pictures. Like I said in the previous episode and I’ll say it again, any bull that things he’s bigger than your dynamic, that’s not the bull for you. Regardless of how dominant he says he is, there is still a time and a place for it. I understand no matter how dominant I’ve been with a couple, I understand that I’m not bigger than their dynamic. So if you have things that are in your “we won’t compromise” column, the moment a man or a bull says something that goes against one of those things…I don’t knock anybody for asking. If I’m dealing with a couple and they say no pictures and I say, hey I’d like to take pictures…no we don’t allow that…okay cool. The moment you find somebody that kind of belabors that point and comes back to it or refuses to accept your reasoning for it, then that’s not somebody that you want to be involved with. That’s why whenever I deal with a couple or even a female, one of my first questions is, what are your hard limits? Because your hard limits should always be respected, and a hard limit is something that under no circumstance you will do. If somebody is trying to get you to circumvent one of your hard limits, one of the things that you stand firm on, then you need to leave that person alone. I’m not saying that if a person says a hard limit that you can’t talk about it. For example, a common hard limit is anal. There are some women that just don’t like it or don’t want to do it. So if a woman tells me her hard limit is anal, I might as questions, like why is that a hard limit, because maybe she had a bad experience. Maybe she dealt with a guy who didn’t know what he was doing. There’s nothing wrong with talking about why that is a hard limit. Because you may find that it might not actually be a hard limit, and you wouldn’t know that unless you actually talk about it. So if you have an open conversation about why a hard limit is a hard limit, you might find that it might not actually be a hard limit, so there may be a chance for you to open that door. Or you may find that, you know what, that is a really hard limit, like that is not going to change. You talked about it, you discussed it, they said it’s still a hard limit, so you leave it alone. But if you’re dealing with a guy and he’s trying to insist on certain things, taking certain liberties, like I said that’s not the guy that you want to deal with.
I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve talked to and encountered through the years that they don’t take that advice and they wind up getting involved with a bull who is either a) inexperienced and doesn’t understand his proper role in this, or there are also bulls who are very experienced but they get caught up in the power that they get.
I’ve seen couples where the bull has led the wife down certain paths. I’ve seen wives all of a sudden they’re working in strip clubs, they’re doing bachelor parties. Like I said, when you get that kind of power some guys get carried away with it. So it’s extremely important to find a guy and to deal with a guy who has some ethics, who understands that just because I can do something doesn’t mean that I should do something. Yea, it’s a nice fantasy and it sounds good to say, oh I want a guy that’s going to treat my wife like a fuck toy or treat my wife like a piece of meat, and I say it myself, but I understand that’s fantasy talk. You don’t actually want to deal with somebody that sees your wife as disposable, that sees your wife as less than. There’s one thing to say it because it’s hot to say and it makes the fantasy better and makes it more exciting, yea she’s my fuck toy but you don’t actually want to deal with somebody that treats her as something disposable. Because if they do, then they’re not going to care about what you say or what you want. They’re only thinking about themselves, and ultimately this is about the two of you as a couple. So it’s very important to understand that and have that dialog with your spouse before you even start looking for a bull.
I’ll ask you, how many couples out there have talked about your hard limits, this is what we won’t do, this is what we won’t allow. It may be something as simple as during the week, no contact. That’s a hard limit. Our family time is our family time. If somebody cannot adhere to those things, then that’s not somebody that you want to deal with.
Again, I don’t want to sound like I’m repeating myself, but it’s that important. I hate seeing these horror stories, these guys that claim to be bulls. Somebody’s got to be experienced. You can’t have two inexperienced playing around because that’s just a recipe for disaster. Somebody in that trio has got to be experienced, whether it’s a husband who is coming from a previous marriage and he’s bringing his experience, or a wife who’s bring experience, or them as a couple are bringing experience, or the bull is experienced, but if all parties are inexperienced, for me personally, and I’m sure that there are those of you out there who would disagree with me, but that’s not going to end well. I’m not saying that it’s always going to crash and burn, but you’re definitely walking that line.
As a bull, one of the things that I enjoy is when I deal with a wife, I’m only seeing her in one particular aspect. What I mean by that is, I’m seeing her when she’s feeling good about herself. I’m seeing her when she’s in a good mood. I’m seeing her when she’s horny. That’s when I get to deal with her. I’m not dealing with the other aspects of her life, when she’s coming home from work upset because of something that someone said, when she’s got in an argument with a friend, or when she’s mad at her kids, or when she’s mad at her husband. I don’t know what kind of girlfriend this woman would be because I’m only seeing her in one context. But like I said, the inexperienced guys, they get caught up. They get this woman, and they’re like oh wow, she’s so open minded and she’s freaky, but what are you really falling in love with? It’s almost like you’re a love-struck teenager. It happens more often than you think, and it doesn’t have to happen if you do your due diligence.
If you just ask certain questions and kind of exercise some patience in this process, because you’re risking a lot. You’re risking your relationship. You’re risking your marriage. So when you look at it that way, you need to be thorough. The last thing you need is a bull who all of a sudden develops feelings for your wife and then she develops feelings for him, because that’s when deceit comes into play. That’s when you go away on business, and he’s like hey why don’t you come and see me while your husband is away, and the husband knows nothing about it. That’s when problems come up. That’s when a wedge starts to be driven between the couple, and a lot of bad things can happen. The whole point I started this with, where like I said it was something that I read on a forum, and a woman was having trouble. She was saying how the guy was telling her, oh your husband doesn’t respect you, he should be treating you like a queen, and here he is out here wanting to see you getting fucked by other men. If you think like that, why are you in the lifestyle, because that’s what you’re doing is you’re fucking woman as their husbands are watching, or husbands that are looking for men to fuck their wives. If that’s what you really think about him, then why are you doing this? What are you saying about yourself ? Are you that horny? Are you that pressed to get pussy that you will get involved with somebody that you don’t even respect? If her husband enjoys sharing her and she enjoys being shared, that’s their dynamic. It’s not on you to judge what they’re into. If what they’re into doesn’t fit what you’re into, just don’t deal with them. But unfortunately a lot of guys in this lifestyle still think with their dicks, and their dicks get them in trouble. Just because that’s his problem, doesn’t mean that it has to be your problem as the couple. Because if you allow that to happen, it’s not going to end well.
Like I said, I was going to talk about something different in this episode, but I saw that and I knew that it was something that I knew I wanted to talk about eventually. I just knew that I needed to talk about it now. Because it’s one of the most important things that anybody involved in this lifestyle, be you cuckold, be you hotwife, be you into BBC, be you not into BBC, it doesn’t matter what your dynamic is. If you are wanting your wife, your girlfriend, to be with another man then these are things that need to be discussed. Regardless of who holds the sexual power, whether it’s the husband, whether it’s shared, or whether it’s the wife. Before you even open that door, these things need to be discussed because if you don’t discuss them, especially in a cuckold dynamic, just because not only are you giving this man access to your wife, but you’re also handing over a certain amount of power to him. If you don’t stress certain things in the beginning, then you are opening yourself up to potential problems down the road. Maybe some of you have found yourselves in these situations. Maybe some of you are nodding your head, like yup that’s what happened to us, or yup we had a guy that tried to do that. Hopefully, you were strong enough to either head him off at the pass or strong enough to where you went into it already understanding and knowing what you would and would not do. But I guarantee you, there’s somebody listening to this who mistakes were made, an they didn’t do their due diligence, and they had a guy who tried to overstep his boundaries. Because like I said, things can get bad.
I’ve seen couples blackmailed, where they deal with somebody who is not the strongest ethical person and they get their foot in the door. They may shoot some pictures or videos, and the next thing you know, it’s like hey I’m going to do this with your wife because if you don’t, your story is going to get out, and that’s real. That’s very real.
So my advice to couples, especially new couples getting into this, don’t focus so much on finding the guy yourself. Reach out to other couples, whether it’s on a site that you belong to, whether it’s a swinger’s site, however you have to find him. If you don’t know, contact me and I’ll point you in the right direction, but put just as much or if not more effort into finding not just a couple, but an experienced couple. Ask them, hey we’re new to this, we don’t want to pick the wrong guy for our first experience. Do you have someone that you would be willing to refer us to that you think would be a good first experience for her? I guarantee you most couples will be more than happy to help, more than happy to help. Because they may have made mistakes and they don’t want to see anybody make the same mistakes that they did, so they may be feeling that, hey if we can make it easier for that couple to get into this, because they wish they would have had somebody to kind of make things easier for them, but they didn’t have it, and they know what it feels like to be new and feel lost and alone and trying to figure all this stuff out on their own.
So if you’re a couple that is just getting into this, trust me it will pay huge dividends down the line because at the very least, if you find a good guy it will allow you to have a template moving forward. To have something that you can kind of judge other guys against to insure that when you do find somebody, you know have a standard that you’re trying to hold them to. I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve helped, couples whom I never even met in person, but by talking to them and explaining certain things to them, I’ve given them a certain standard, so that when they talk to prospective bulls after me they can say, oh well we get a different feel from him, or Mike said to look out for that or keep your ears open for that, and that’s just what this guy did, and it saves them heartache, it saves them headache. Because at the end of the day, this is supposed to be fun. It’s not supposed to be complicated. It’s not supposed to be filled with drama. It’s not supposed to be scary. It’s supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be fun for all parties involved. Once it stops being fun, once it starts getting to the point where you’re stressing out over certain things, you need to get out of it, at least out of that particular dynamic with that particular person, because it’s not supposed to be stressful.
So like I said, I wanted to talk about something else but this kind of came across my plate and I really wanted to address this, so I did. Hopefully it helped some of you. I would love to get some feedback from some of you on what you think. Like I said, I don’t always claim to be right and I’m not afraid to have people disagree with me. I encourage it. I welcome it. I like debate. I like discussion. That’s how we all learn. That’s how we all grow. It’s exercise for our brains.
So again, I want to thank you for tuning in to the Keys and Anklets Podcast, where we discuss…like I said, everything concerning this lifestyle. Some things are going to be funny. Some things are going to be serious, but it’s always going to be intelligent. It’s always going to be thought provoking. I thank you all for growing with me. Like I said, I’m new to this so I’m going to make mistakes, but I can assure you that I’m the kind of guy that I learn from my mistakes and I will get better. Hopefully, this episode has helped some of you. I look forward to bringing more quality content as we grow and get better. I wish you all the best and enjoy your day. Thank you for listening.